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Eclectic Feeling

It’s been awhile since I felt like writing anything truly inspiring or from the heart. But I got inspired again to write and record my experiences. As I realized how forgetful I am. Some people even called me Dory the fish! I don’t blame them because I REALLY can forget things. But as I was saying, I tend to forget beautiful things that I see or things that I want to do or got inspired with. So I decided to go back to writing or just posting photos of things that I used to love and enjoy. I thought let’s keep this simple. Just write and post it. Don’t care about the grammar, don’t care about what other people think. It’s my space. My thoughts.

Like recently, I got myself a foldable bike that I’ve been wanting to get for a long time. It made me realize how I’ve forgotten to ride for pleasure and for myself. When I was younger, I used to cycle everywhere and everyday. I cycled to the shop to get groceries, cycled to play with my friends, cycled to the carpark, cycled to just go downstairs at the void deck and so on! I practically didn’t walk but cycled to anywhere! There’s ALWAYS a reason to cycle.

And yet now, I hardly cycle! (Of course partly my old bike was spoilt and I was using my sisters bike most of the time). But the simple thought of cycling to the shop now felt like a chore or too much work. Cycling to the park felt like a date that I need to fix in my calendar. Dragging the bike out of the house felt so painful as well. And I felt so disappointed with myself for being that way. How can I forget the personal freedom and rush of cycling? The feeling of the wind in my hair and the feel of the ground.

I think there’s a different conscious feeling as well being older and riding a bicycle. That you are too old to ride and having to act your age.

Which I find so sad to find myself thinking that way!

So I happened to recently follow Alastair Humphrey, an adventurer, who also inspired me to finally buy that foldable bike that I’ve been eyeing awhile. Funnily in one of his blog entries, he mentioned something that hit home:

~ But somehow, little by little, something changed. The realisation that my days were ticking away, that my life was nice but not truthfully what I yearned for in life. And a growing determination that if adventure was what excited me in life, then I should go and look for it.

I might fail (I was not very heroic, tough, talented, well-connected or rich: prerequisites for all the adventurers I had ever heard about). And failure, I realised in a painful bout of honesty, was what frightened me the most. That was what was stopping me. I wasn’t afraid of mountains or deserts. I was afraid of failing and looking a bit silly.

And that was ridiculous.

A ridiculous little hurdle to be keeping me from living the life of my choice. The people who really mattered to me would respect me for trying, even if I failed. So I didn’t really have anything to lose. I was free to begin. I smiled, climbed onto my bicycle, and pedalled off down the road in search of adventure. ~

And that got me. Even more so because my work takes up most of my time in a year. It’s stressful, long hours and a lot of hard work. I know I love my job but there’s just something missing always. The constant stress and endless troubleshooting of schedules, casting and money can just take a toll. Sometimes all you need is a break and do something for yourself.

A break.

To see nature again, to be grateful, to appreciate the small little things in life, to hang out with your family and friends. To help somebody who needs it. To give back. And I want to give back.

So back to the bike! Hence, it’s my mission to find myself back and ride. I know I place a lot of self-imposed restrictions on myself. Like being afraid to fail, afraid of what people might think, being shy. Honestly, being older now doesn’t make life any easier because there’s so many information to absorb and what is right and wrong.

A friend once said as well about having a vision. You need to have a vision. To know what you want, to chase for it and reach your goal. I think I haven’t had that for awhile, which scares me because time doesn’t wait and you can’t get it back. So whatever you do every single day must mean something.

I hope to find myself and be. And I hope I can share more stories and journeys! Something that I can be proud of!

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