I talked to God today because I wasn’t feeling okay. I was feeling demoralized, unhappy, sad, angry and just have a heavy heart. I couldn’t shake it off. I cried too. It is a feeling of heaviness in my heart, despair almost and something that I couldn’t express externally.
But today I decided to do it differently. Instead of wailing about my problems (that’s when I start to remember to seek God), asking for forgiveness (which are endless and will never end) and my despair, I started to talk about how I am grateful to God and the things around me. And when I thought about what I’m grateful for and said it, it became amazingly simple and clear. Life became simpler. And my problems that I thought was huge and unbearable was suddenly a piece of cake, a pinch of salt, a flick of the finger.
There were so many things to be grateful for! I was grateful to see the mornings, to move my legs and hands, to be healthy and well, that I could type this out in the first place, that I live in a world where I can have personal freedom to express myself and be myself, that I do not have to fear for my life, that I have food and water in abundance and convenience, that I can read and write, that I can think of ideas for business or for work or for enjoyment, that I have fans at home to keep us cool, my spectacles to see clearer, that I’m not blind, not disabled, that I have people who loves and cares for me and are still around me, that I have a job and a job that I like and enjoy, that I can learn driving….
And my problems just faded away because there are so much things to be grateful for that I forget. Instead, I allowed my first world problems or problems that are not life-changing to myself ruin my mood and my day.
Yes. It is hard to separate because that is my job and those are the problems that I have to deal with. But when I look at the bigger picture, those things shouldn’t be the ones that I should worry about or be distraught. I should be grateful in the moment with where I am and who I am. The things that upsets me and troubles me are just problems that need to be solved and they will be solved. But I shouldn’t allow that to rule my life, my day and my mind.
It is so simple and easy. And yet not.
Of course I won’t be able to remember 24/7 to always be grateful about everything. Emotions do run high or things can get overwhelming. But that’s when I think I need to just take a step back, look around me and look into myself. It’s easier said than done but I have to remember that somewhere out there, some kids do not have a home, a job or a family. Their life is in constant turmoil and danger. Their problems are real life situations that affects them personally. Some can’t read or write. Some live in such dangerous areas that being kidnapped or seeing death is almost a norm.
So I’m grateful to what I have in my life right now and if those people can live through whatever hardships they have been facing, I can deal with mine.