Finally I got myself the camera phone that I’ve always wanted! Gosh it feels great to go snapping around again. Of course the closest interesting subject would be my cats. It’s much easier to catch them while their sleeping and not a care in the world. Honestly if they could just keep still for 2 seconds, you could almost print an image of their mischievous face on the move to do something forbidden!
Recently I’ve grown fatter I think. Friends beginning to notice my happy well-fed face. It stinks really… cos its true!! Finding the motivation to wake up and do just short runs or cycling is such a torture. Even getting up to go swimming is like a burden. I’m becoming lazy as a pig!! I need to do something or I will lose my healthiness man. Shit.
And then of course there’s work. I’m scrambling to focus my area of specialization and what with intending to study and all, I’m not sure when it will end. I’m sick of having money shortage every time. It’s so depressing… but of course one has to survive. So many avenues to go into but I have to commit fully which I’m scared to do in case it won’t be a success. What if I can’t make it? What if I won’t be proficient in it? What if…what if. I’m sounding a lot more like Garion from the Belgariad series by David Eddings. He says a number of ‘what if’s’ as well which is really irritating cos’ you won’t know until you give it your all right? To do your best and go all out to make it happen. That’s what it’s all about. I shouldn’t be thinking about what ifs at all. It seems that I started to be conscious of it recently about 2 years. Maybe it’s an age or growing up thing where you start to lose your ability to try or you become more self conscious. I don’t know what it is but it’s really a pain in the ass.
Anyway hopefully I can snap more pictures and blog about it. Writing is a chore nowadays but I’m trying to overcome that cos’ it shows that I’m losing my ability to observe and see the beautiful things out there. Growing up sucks sometimes don’t you think? You lose so many things if you’re not careful.